You deserve a supporter.
Friends initially come into our lives for lots of reasons like having a lot in common, enjoying each other's company and sharing experiences together. But when a friendship starts to solidify, it becomes more about who is there for you, who is happy for your happiness and who is sad for your sadness. If a friend doesn't show that they care about how you are and what's going on in your life, they aren't worth keeping around. Everyday we all tackle different things in our lives like school work, jobs and new opportunities. A friend should be excited to hear about it all and they should be proud of your accomplishments. Toxic friends can be jealous or bitter when something in your life changes or when you do something great. This proves that they are more concerned with their own achievements instead of what's good for you. There is no finite amount of success in the world, so a friend should know not to make you feel guilty about whatever you achieve. They should be there to listen to you, hug you and congratulate you with no hesitation.
You deserve consistency.
You should never be worried or wonder if you are still friends with someone. Sometimes people need their space (I know I do), but a friend won't ever alienate you or confuse you on the status of your relationship. People can get hurt, upset or feel vulnerable and that's when they need you to let them know you're there. If they ignore you, subtweet you or send you mean texts - what kind of friend are they? If a friend of yours seems to go back and forth between loving you and distancing themselves from you, consider if the friendship is worth it. There are so many people who will remain a constant friend that you don't need someone who is ambiguous and confusing.
You deserve positivity.
By positivity I mean a whole slew of things but mostly - you deserve someone that makes you feel good. Laughing with a friend is always something to cherish, but if you are always the butt of the joke or if they make others laugh at your expense, then they may be tricking you into thinking that you're having fun together. If you remove yourself from the situation to find that you don't actually think those jokes are funny and that, in fact, they mostly come across as mean, your friend isn't making you feel as good as you think they are.
If you are hanging out with another friend, a friend shouldn't be jealous. I'm lucky enough to be really close with my roommate and I'll make jokes about how I'm jealous of whoever she hangs out with, but we both know that's just a way to tell her that I love her and her company, too. If a friend genuinely doesn't like your other friends because they think you should be spending all of your time with them - again they are more concerned with themselves than what is good for you. Like there is no finite amount of success in the world, there is also no finite amount of love. If you have 6 best friends, you can love one without diminishing love for the other 5. After all, when has more love ever been a bad thing?
You deserve to be heard.
A problem I've had with failing friendships came from when we had arguments and I never felt like I was being heard. A friend shouldn't constantly brush off your feelings, especially not for the sake of their own pride. In a friendship, there is a lot of give and take and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and apologize. Taking a moment to reflect on your actions and how they are being perceived by your friend is essential to achieving empathy.
If you apologize, a friend should take it seriously. If they forgive you, great! They should make peace with that argument and move on. If they don't forgive you, or if they say they have but they keep bringing it up, what more can you do? Forgiveness is a choice, and a friend should be ready to make that one for you. We all mess up sometimes and it's unfortunately easy to hurt someone's feelings without knowing. That's when you apologize and when the friendship can come out stronger. If the friendship comes out weaker, however, it may be on its last leg.
If you are feeling uneasy about any aspect of your friendship with someone, let me be the first to tell you that they are not worth it. You deserve so much more than someone manipulative and selfish. It may be sad to end a friendship, especially if it spanned across many years, but it will ultimately be more sad if you continue to spend your time feeling worried, guilty and confused. You deserve friends who make you happy, and trust me, they aren't too hard to find.
And while it's important to remember what you deserve from a friendship, it's equally important to reflect on what kind of friend you are. Are you supportive? Patient? Consistent? Positive? Understanding? Forgiving? Loving? Friendships can actually be repaired very easily if both of you view it as something to build together. I'm lucky enough to have saved friendships I thought were gone forever because I reevaluated my role. It only takes a moment to figure out which friends are worth it, and you'll find that it's easy to figure out if the friendship goes both ways.
